I really need to get the book edited, but its Thursday, and I work tonight - then I will be on the boat for three days before I go back to work again. I am definitely bringing the computer to the boat - that way I can write as I sit on the deck, watching the other boaters as they frantically try to get the most of their weekend. It happens every weekend.
We go out on Friday's and my husband, my friend and my soul mate cleans the boat up before the place gets busy, and then we watch the people clean their boats. We love the drama that goes on. I love to read the names of the boats - like the boat is named Captain Hook, and is from Never Never Land. The actual captain is retired, and only has one hand. I love the real names. I named our boat - its great for my husband's (etc) blood pressure. Just being on the boat makes the stress fall away, so our boat is named Rx: Hullistic Medicine. The dingy is named Refill. Get it? Well, we like the name.
There are other names that are poetic, some nautical, and others make no sense. I make up stories for those kind. I really like the stories that I make up for the people as well. There is only time to rest and relax when we are on the boat. I will write, and edit and get that book done - before the summer really gets going. I really want the 'done' feeling again. I really like the 'done' feeling.
In the mean time, I have to get motivated, get dressed, get my spa day in - maybe that will motivate me. Something has to give. I am dragging my butt here. And sadly, I know why. I truly hate my job. There I have said it aloud (well wrote it down kind of metaphorically aloud) and I can take a deep breath about it. I have to wait 6 months to try for a new job, and then I will at least try to make my self feel better about my self. I need to get out of this hole that I am in... It's a self dug hole, and I, myself and me, am the only one that needs to get myself out of the dark cramped hole that is my life.
I am not saying that I am really low, I just need to get myself some self confidence. I like the 'done' feeling, even though no one buys my books but my sisters. I still feel validated. I really want the feelings that I got when I was in school, college, not high school, the feeling that I am accomplishing something. A chapter in a book, a project, a test, and then a course completed with an A. Then the first degree, the second, then my Master's degree and along with it, move up in the food chain with the knowledge and experience that I had. I am backwards now, and I hate it. I need to get it myself again
I will take the computer to the boat, to write, edit, and then spend a good amount of time to work on my resume and look for another job. One that makes me feel better about myself, Me Myself and I. I will do this, I will be better, I really need to do this.
D M Wiseman, feeling a bit ridiculous and still a published author...
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